19 July 2015

fruit

One of the things I love most about summer is fruit. Fresh fruit.


In the summer, I can eat fruit without that nagging guilty feeling, without mentally calculating the long miles a banana or apple has come to find its way into the fluorescent-lit pile at the Orange Street Food Farm.

In the summer, I can walk out my back door, take a few steps through the yard, kneel in the garden, and gently lift the soft, serrated strawberry leaves to find the heart-shaped fruit beneath.

In the summer, I duck under the long, spiny canes of raspberries and blackberries, hunker down against the fence, and fill bowl after bowl with magenta and purply-black thimbles of fruit.  The sweat drips down my face and the spines leave pale scratches (and, occasionally thin spiderwebs of blood) on my skin, but the raspberries taste all the sweeter for my small toil.

In the summer, I race the fat eastern fox squirrels for the handful of cherries our little cherry tree produces--dreaming of the day when it will bear hundreds--pulling them off the stem before they're fully ripe, spitting the pits into the grass.  (I think the squirrels still ate more than I did.) (There's always next year.)

In the summer, because we want more cherries than our young tree can produce, Greg and I take an afternoon to drive north a couple of hours to the eastern side of Flathead Lake, where dozens of cherry farms line the shores, the fat globes of fruit calling out to be picked. We strap on well-used cherry picking buckets and wander among the trees, plucking pounds upon pounds of cherries, hearing the satisfying thunk-thunk-thunk as we pile them on top of one another. Later that evening, or perhaps the next, we'll spread out old sheets on the living room floor, choose a movie or two on Netflix, and, armed with bowls, quart-size freezer bags, and cherry pitters, pit our 40 or 60 pounds of cherries, staining our hands a deep purple that will linger on our fingertips for days.

But the sweetest summer fruit in Montana is the huckleberry. Oh, huckleberries. Though botanists have tried to propagate them outside of the wild places they thrive, thus far they have had no luck. So those who want to taste those tiny purply orbs of perfection must seek them out in their habitats (or pay a pretty penny at the Farmer's Market...but where's the satisfaction in that?).  Today Greg and I sought them out along a trail in the Bitterroots at 6,000 feet, where they nestled among lodgepole pines and provided dappled shade for the pale pink pipsissewa flowers scattered like stars on the forest floor.

In the summer, we walk amongst the pines and firs and larches, eyes constantly scanning for the dusty purple fruit that peeps bashfully from under bright green leaves. At first it seems that there's not much to be had--a few huckleberries here, a few there. But then we hit the jackpot, low bushes that are covered with, weighed down by, their fruit. We settle in, fingers plucking greedily. But after awhile, the motion becomes meditative, the quiet of the forest seeps in, and we settle into a silence broken only the buzzing of insects or a crackle of twigs as we shift position. Our Nalgene bottles fill slowly, our fingers become reddish and sticky, and our taste buds thrill with the occasional bursts of sweetness when we toss a huckleberry, or six, upon our tongues.

In the winter, these scenes flash through my mind when I go to the freezer for a bag of frozen cherries, or raspberries, or huckleberries, to put in a smoothie or bake into a crumble. I savor the taste of summer on my tongue, just for a moment.


01 February 2015

beautiful and terrible

It's a lovely wintry afternoon. The snow swirled down this morning, just long enough to lay a thin covering over the mud and brown grass. Though I hope for more, soon, today that fine white dusting is enough. A little bit of snow, a little bit of grace.

My uncle is dying. He is riddled with cancer, stomach and esophagus and bones. It was very unexpected, has happened very quickly. His 65th birthday is in March, when he planned to retire. But his work, and life, are ending sooner than anyone thought. 

He is surrounded by many people who love him, family and friends and the people from his church, where he's been the pastor for nearly a decade. Today most of the people from his congregation filled his home, singing hymns to lift him, encourage him, be light to him and his family. Be a little bit of grace to go with him on his way. I look through the pictures and posts on Facebook, experiencing it all from a distance: Montana is my home, but it is very far away from most of my family. Right now it feels too far.

One of my friends attends my uncle's church and was part of the service at his home today. She told me it was a "beautiful and terrible moment all wrapped together." 

Cancer is terrible. Death is terrible. Lives ending are terrible. But the grace in all of this is that somehow, despite the awfulness, there is beauty, too. This is beauty: my Uncle Archie being surrounded by people who love him, people who are gladly ministering to him after all his years of ministering to them. Though he wished for more years, more time, Archie says he is at peace.

As these hard days pass I find all the little pieces of my daily life taking up more space. The steam rising from a cup of hot tea wafts slowly through the air, shimmers in the shaft of sunlight coming through the window. The four white swans on the icy pond at the wildlife refuge seem magical, otherworldly, as they spread their bright wings in the sunshine. The barest sliver of new moon hanging in the blue-green twilight glows more radiantly than I would have thought possible.

On Friday I walked to work while listening to an On Being podcast with Carrie Newcomer, a wonderful folk singer-songwriter. She talked about light, and about darkness. She talked about thresholds, being in that liminal zone between old and new. And she sang several songs, including one called A Light in the Window. As I walked and listened, the thick fog that lay settled in the valley began to lift, and golden sunbeams sliced through, sharp and bright.

Standing here on a new threshold, 
I can see a light, 
There's a light in the window. 

And the world is made of stone, 
And the world is made of glass. 
And the world is made of light, 
And it's moving very fast. 

We pass from mystery to mystery 
So I won't lie 
I don't know what happens 
When people die. 
But I hope that I see you walking slow, 
Smiling wide as a sunrise grows, 
Drop my map with a thousand folds, 
In the distance I see it glow, 
There's a light, there's a light 
There's a light in the window.

I will miss my Uncle Archie's laugh.
I will miss his jokes, his quicker-than-lightning wit, his presence. He is a big person--not only in physical size but in personality, in heart, in spirit.
I will miss his kindness, his thoughtfulness, his intelligence.
I will miss his bear hugs and the ever-present twinkle in his eye, his booming voice, and his way of seeing the world that pushes beyond what is immediately before us to the depth and complexity that lies beneath.

He is on the threshold, about to embark on the next mystery.

I hope that I see him walking slow,
Smiling wide as the sunrise grows.

In the distance I see it glow,
There's a light, there's a light
There's a light in the window.